Monday, 15 December 2014


I'm about to experience a series of firsts. 
Tomorrow's gonna be my first time on the search for my very first job.
(Well technically I did a job once but it was with my dad's help)
I'm super nervous for it. Thankfully, I'm going with a friend. 

And, in 2 days time, I'll be going on a 3 week trip with my friend.
Thankfully, it's not as intimidating since my friend stays there, but still. 
I'm slightly nervous when I start thinking about the things that could go wrong. 
But I'm really excited because it'll be such a unique experience for me and I think it'll be 
a great one because my friend and I have been great friends for the longest time but
we never really had the time to be with each other that often. Also, this may be one of the very
last chance for us to spend such a time together! I think it's a much needed get away. 

By the time I'm back home, it'll be 2015. I hope I'll get the courage to make more first experiences.
Such as, going for ballet and hip hop classes, to do well for my first job, taking the next step in finding about what I wanna do in future and whatever that comes. 

I'm excited for what's to come. :) 
And I'm extremely thankful to be able to have the opportunities to do such things. 
Here's to a better future. 

Thursday, 11 December 2014

The holiday thus far

Life after the exams so far has been great. The feeling of not having to wake up to the any alarm clock, the feeling of looking foward to a day out with your friends, or to spend some time doing your own things, the feeling of being fit again, the endless youtube and tumblr sessions, the feeling where you rightfully deserve to play.... IS REALLY GREAT. And I'm enjoying every second of it. 

One thing though, despite how fun this moment seem to be, there's a recurring thought in my head that never fails make me scared - My future. After giving more research and being able to spend more time thinking about how I would like to spend my future.. I realized, holy shit, it's gonna be so hard. It's so bizarre because for the entire 2 years, I've been looking forward to be able to start pursuing my goals, I used this thought as my strength to push through the exams, and now that it's time for it to all begin... I'm terrified. I'm terrified to the point where I question myself: Is it worth it? Why am I making my life harder? Why am I choosing the harder path? But I guess it's a good thing, because this shows that I know exactly what I'm getting into. It's not a fantasy. It's a tough road and I know I need to work my butt off to get to the "dream life" where I've been dreaming for. Now, I guess all I really need is courage. Anyway, they all say, "if your dreams don't scare you, they aren't big enough."

There's another thing that kind of bothers me at the back of my head.. My results of course. So many negative thoughts and what ifs. 

Alright, but I'm trying to stop worrying and give myself a well-deserved break, at least till the end of the year/ start of next year before I'll start to really plan for my future. I'm super excited for my overseas trip at the end of the year till next year!!!! I'm gonna have the longest sleepover ever at my best friend's house. It'll be a trip of many firsts and I'm looking forward to it (actually, slightly nervous, cause I'm just scared of everything).

Now, one last thing.. Zoella recently launched her very first book!!! I'm so proud and happy for her. The brand that she has built up for herself all these years is paying off :) The issue regarding the ghostwriter is just ridiculous. Zoella isn't trained to write a novel, of course she needs help with it! The moment that she launched the book, I already assumed she had someone to help her. And regardless of who wrote the book, the reason why the book is doing so well is because of Zoella's brand, so she totally deserves all the successes.

That would be all, 

Monday, 24 November 2014

Tokio Hotel

I cannot end my A'levels journey without making a post about Tokio Hotel. 

I've been listening to Tokio Hotel's music ever since I was a kid. But I don't know why, it has never occured to me to youtube or google them.. Until recently. 

Immediately, I fell in love with this band. I love their music, their performances, their talent, their personalities. They are probably one of the most genuine artists I know, they're totally not afraid to be themselves. So many artists these days appear really nice in interviews and cameras, but everyone knows that it's simply a facade. This band is totally not afraid to share their not so good side to the world, because it's them. 

Besides their personalities, I love their music. Even though they're German, and it's probably a lot more difficult to write the music in English, yet they still managed to produce so many empowering and meaningful songs, songs that deeply touch my heart.Their music has really helped me tremendously through this really tough month and I'm so thankful :) They recently released their newest album after 5 long years, and I love the change in their style. I'm so happy for all of their successes and I'm so happy that the band took a break after being on tour since the age of 15. 

Right now, I'll share some of the songs that have helped me through this month. I'll share the live videos, because they have really amazing live performances.


World Behind My Wall


Darkside of the Sun

By Your Side

Ready, Set, Go

Yup, these are my favs. 
Their newest album Kings Of Surbabia is awesome too, but I need time to listen to all of the tracks.

I love Tokio Hotel!!!

The end of an arduous joruney.

Finally, the day has arrived. 
It's the end of my A'levels exams!!!! 
I am beyond exhausted, both mentally and physically. 

So, this month has been one of the toughest month I ever had in my entire life. This month alone, felt longer the entire 2 years. I'm just glad it's over. I know that whatever happen will happen, and I know I am in no control of my results now.. But I'm seriously hoping and praying that my hard work pays off.. I don't really know how well I've done for the papers, I always don't. The thought of doing badly really scares me. This exam really determines your future, your life. But anyway, all I want to do now is to cast away all of that fear and enjoy myself till the end of the year. The taste of freedom is absolutely wonderful. 

Before I head off to watch my tv shows, I would really like to take the time to reflect on this journey.

Looking back, it has really been one hell of a ride. On my first day of school, I really hated my life. I hated the school, my class, everything. I felt so lousy about myself. But as time passed, I began to slowly accept my circumstance and simply place all my focus on my studies. I'm so thankful that I've met genuine friends in my school, we bonded and created so much amazing memories together, ones that I'll always remember for the rest of my life. 

During this journey, I would say what has changed the most is me as a person. I've grown to be a stronger person. I'll never forget how I survived on 3 to 4 hours of sleep everyday, all the mental breakdowns, all the fear, all the times when I was determined to go to school despite being sick. I'll never forget how I burned out from all the studying, picking myself back up was so tough. And one thing that I really learned coming out from this, is to have the courage to pursue your dreams. After going through this, I'm not going to waste anymore time staying in a place where I feel like I don't belong. I want to break out of my comfort zone, have the courage to take risks. I want to do what I love to do. I want to be independent. The future is so unpredictable, it's going to be full of obstacles and challenges, but I'm so excited for what's to come.

This quote speaks to me 
"When the time comes for you to make a change, to grow, to do your life in a different way, the universe will make you so uncomfortable, so unhappy, you will eventually have no choice. If you insist on staying in a place you no longer belong in, if you do not grow the courage to do what is necessary to propel you forward, you will suffer the consequences, whatever they may be."

For now, I want to get the rest that I deserve, have some fun and get the strength to do all that I wanna do :) 
Alright, that's about it. Thank you to anyone who has been reading all of my rants throughout the 2 years. 


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Monday, 3 November 2014

The start of an end.

I took my very first A'levels paper today. 
It feels so surreal, I've been working towards this for 2 whole years and it's finally here!

Honestly, today's paper didn't go well at all. 
Not super terrible but not good, not what I expected after all of my efforts these 2 years.
I just hope that the subsequent papers go well.
At this point, the only thing that I can do is to stay strong and try my best.
Just gotta stop worrying over the things that I have no control of.

And one last thing, I've been really into the band tokio hotel lately. 
I've been listening to their music ever since I was about 10? 
I can't belie I only went to check them out recently. 
Anyway, i absolutely love their music and their personalities. 
They are probably the most genuine and honest artists out there, they're totally not afraid to share with the public about what they do in private. Also, not to mention how gorgeous Bill and Tom Kaulitz are, Georg is really charismatic with his short hair too, and Gustav is just shy as always. 
Their newest album is amazing and is super different from their old style but that's okay, cause it's good for an artists to constantly change their style.

Okay, I'm getting way too distracted, I should get back to studying for the upcoming papers.
I shall be back when the whole exam ends. 
For now, just gotta keep the faith and give everything that I've got.

Saturday, 18 October 2014

The Graduation.

I had my graduation yesterday... Isn't it crazy how time flies?
Just looking back when I first started this blog.. I remember complaining about how rough the start of my JC journey is, and making promises to myself to turn my fate around with my A'level results. Well, that goal hasn't changed a bit, I've been working towards this goal faithfully these 2 years and I still am now. The only difference I would say is that now, I feel thankful. I still don't love the school and I am soooooo happy that this day has finally come, but I'm absolutely grateful for my class, my friends, my teachers and for God's plan through this journey. I had so much hate for the situation I was put into and I had so much doubt in myself, but turns out, everything worked out pretty well. My results have not been fantastic but I definitely improved. Looking back... I really learnt that I should just trust God with his plan and not worry too much. His plan for me these two years, whether it came to the class, the subject combinations I took, the teachers.. it all seems to be placed perfectly.

Right now, all I want to do is to give it my best shot.
Study without thinking about the consequences and to simply leave it in God's hands.
But also, to not lose sight of the dreams that I have from the start :)

Reality Check:
15 days 23 hours 08 minutes 15 seconds
to the big A's.

Friday, 3 October 2014

The final push.

Reality check: 
31 days 3 minutes 
to the big A's.

This is so surreal, I can't believe I survived close to 2 years worth of hardcore studying, it's finally coming to an end. But this 31 days are super crucial, they can make or break your results. I hope it'll be the former. This has been such a tough journey and I hope I bring all my effort and sacrifices justice and I hope that the A'levels can be a stepping stone for more successes in the future. I think I've experienced more failures than an average person of my age, so this time, I really hope to excel!

So I got back most of my results for the recent exam that I took. I wouldn't say that I did super badly cause I actually made improvements for some of my subjects, but I'm not happy with it because I believe I should be doing better. Anyway, after reflecting on my results and planning towards the big A's.. 

For these 31 days, i hope that I would
1. Get sufficient sleep and to stay healthy - I hope to get at least 6 hours of sleep everyday. 
2. To follow my study plan religiously.
3. To do a good 10 hours of studying everyday but to remember to relax at the end of everyday.
4. To be focus ( not worrying over the consequences and feeling stressed, but to just get on with doing the best that I can)
5. To be calm at all times ( Never get flustered)

This will probably be my last post before I go on full steam until the end of the big A's. 
Let's do this!!!!!