Saturday, 12 April 2014

Reality slapped me hard in the face.


This picture is the perfect illustration of how I'm feeling right now.
This week, I got back my results for the recent exam that I just took, and it was sooo bad. 
And for the entire week, I just felt really depressed and tired. 
Tired from all these never ending incoming flow of homework, and also having to start revising for the next exam that we will be having in July. 
It gets harder when you see your friends enjoying their lives on instagram, and it makes you wonder if all the sacrifices made these 2 years are gonna worth it. 

The thought of me screwing up my A'levels and being unable to pursue ANYTHNG, not to mention my passion and dream really scared the shit out of me. 
And I see everything that I've been doing, all the hard work, tuitions... 
This when reality definitely gave me a good wake up call.
I have to make all these worthwhile and the only way is to persevere. 

I just pray for the strength  to survive the upcoming months... 
Do everything that I can, and not lose the fighting spirit that I had since last year.
It's gonna be so tough, but let's do this. 

No more procrastination, absolute concentration, and no more wasting of precious time!!! 

Sunday, 6 April 2014

We're searching for our saving grace.

We're all sinful beings and nobody is perfect, 
but I know that God has placed qualities or passions in our beings that 
make us stand out from others in one way or another. 
 Life is unfair, we will not ever have perfect lives or we might not get what we deserve all the time.
But I believe that God is fair in giving everyone special qualities that no one else in the world has, that makes the world a better place. 

I'm still searching for mine. 

Sunday, 30 March 2014

Panic mode.

I'm feeling so worried all of a sudden.
I'm worried about the results for the exam I just took.. 
I really hope I don't do too badly, cause if I do, 
it means that I'm on the wrong track and there's so much
to catch up on. Well, regardless of the results, I would still 
work really hard, but it'll make me feel better to know that I'm not too 
far behind. Next week when school starts, I know I gotta really give it my all, 
cast all distractions aside. But I definitely need to keep my health in check, I have been getting
 way too little sleep lately. And I need to be relaxed.

Oh gosh, I hope I didn't screw it up too badly.

For tonight and tomorrow, I'll take the time to relax after a week of complete exhaustion from the exams.
Anyway, I caught Divergent and I love it so much!!
Well, I didn't know about the storyline at all before watching, so I simply went into the cinema without any expectations... But this movie definitely blew me away. It gave us a clear idea of the context, but I didn't feel bored by it, I feel like it was really engaging. I absolutely love the plot. And it really gives us another perspective of a world where there's not much freedom, where one's society defines the people. But it's always empowering to see people try to overcome this system. If I were to be born in that society, I would have wanted to be a divergent and I'll choose dauntless as my faction just like what Tris did :)

I love casts so much especially these 2

They have such a great chemistry in the movie. It was so natural :)
I am sooo gonna watch it again!

Friday, 28 March 2014

Temporary happiness

The entire week of exams are finally over.
This is pretty much the best day of the year so far. I am so drained from school... It's gonna be the end of March real soon and I dare say that for these close to 4 months, I haven't been getting more than 5 hours of sleep everyday.. I have about 3 days of complete rest, and I can't even say how thankful I am for these 3 days, I NEED IT. I've been having flu this entire exam week, and it's been super draining to study, sit for exams and get sooo little sleep. At least it's over! Today was good. After the papers, I went to watch the movie non-stop (finally) and it was amazing. Loved the plot and the intense. Then, I tried a souffle for the first time. After watching seasons after seasons of masterchef, I've been wanting to try it for such a long time. Yes, so today's a great day.

But I know that I didn't do enough preparation for this exam, so I probably won't do too well. But that's okay, it's the A'levels that matters at the end of the day. I will work even harder :)

2 things that I'm currently super excited for:
1. SYTYCD 11. 
Something that I look forward to every single year. What's best is that Jaja from I.aM.mE auditioned for it, I know she'll do well in the competition. Not sure if Emilio's in it though, I hope so!
2. The new batman movie coming up. 
Camren Bicondova is in it! I'm so proud of her. 

Alright byeeeeee.

Sunday, 2 March 2014

The Hard Way

I can't believe it's March already. I can't believed I survived 
2 months of school. School has been really really really hectic.
Just when I thought the first year was tough, no, the second year is the real deal.
But I'm really glad that it's must last year! I'll push through no matter what. 

I just had a series of test this week and last week, and I'm glad I'm done with that. Right now, I gotta start planning on revising for the exam coming up at the end of March. 

Well, anyway, I just saw pictures of my friends getting started on the training after the dance audition we had the other time... The one that I didn't make it. They had training sessions, photo shoots, party, preparations for the opening of this new dance team. So it's pretty much of a big deal. To be honest, I wish I could be part of the team, I wish I made it. I wish I get all these opportunities, I wish I could belong to something so amazing and pursue my passion. Sometimes, I really hate how the things that I desire in life so badly, are so easily attained by others. I can truly say that I have things the harder way... 

But anyway, enough of complaining. I know that A'levels is an opportunity to prove myself. And I know that I'll be able to pursue whatever I like after the A'levels exams. Even though I'm slower, I'll just work hard till I get there. At the end of the day, I know I spent my time working for what I want and overcoming the odds and I'll have no regrets. At the end of life, whether I make it or not, I can tell God that I tried my best to make the best out of all the odds he placed in my life. 

I can't wait to be free!!!! 

To end off,

Work by Iggy. 
Her story is empowering.
"Cause every night Imma do it like it's my last,
This dream is all that I need, 
Cause it's all that I ever had"
"I've been work work work work working on my shit."

Friday, 14 February 2014


If you have seen my previous post, I mentioned that I have been under a lot of stress recently. 
Balancing dance and school really isn't easy at all. I've been running on 3 to 4 hours of sleep every day, and yes it was horrible. But yesterday, we finally performed! And the feedback we received was way better than we expected. This only made me realize that all the late night practices, sacrificing of sleep and time for school work was totally worth it. We killed the performance and through this journey, I really felt like we bonded as a team. I'm also really glad as this is my first hip hop performance, it's super out of my comfort zone, but I love it. 

As much as I miss dancing with the team already, I'm kind of glad that it ended. I can now focus on my studies with full energy! This year's really crucial because I really need the good results for my A'levels. It's time to get started, to give everything that I have cause time is soooo gonna fly. I can't let my efforts from last year go to waste!!! 

Ps. Happy Valentine's Day to anyone reading this! For all the single people out there, you're not alone. There are plenty of people just like you. Take the time to celebrate it with your friends and cherish them :) God bless!!

Thursday, 6 February 2014


Today was bad. I had some sort of panic attack and mental breakdown in class.

I don't know what's happening to me recently. 
Whatever I read or whatever information I receive just doesn't get into my head.
And I just find myself struggling so hard to understand everything that has been taught to me but yet I just keep failing to do so. And today, I had a flu and I was so exhausted because of last night's dance practice that while I was in the midst of a discussion in class, I just stopped cause I couldn't go on. 
I couldn't speak, I couldn't understand any of the notes I wrote for the discussion. But I was expected to speak cause everyone was waiting... Eventually, I just broke down into some sort of panic attack, something I have never experienced before. My head started to hurt, my heart started to beat extremely fast, I broke into cold sweat, my hands started trembling and I felt nauseous. It was horrible... At night, I just couldn't take it anymore that I cried while eating my dinner in front of my parents.

I guess I've been putting too much pressure on myself. I'm so caught up with wanting to do well that I forget that I'm human and I have my limitations. The workload recently have been getting kind of heavy, such that all I wanted was to finish all the work asap. But this only pressurizes me.

Right now, I need to relax, be happy, be strong and do everything to my best.  
I'm gonna rest early tonight because I've been running on 3-4 hours of sleep everyday recently. I will not deny myself ample rest for my health. 

It's only February and I still have about a year to go. I pray to God that he'll give me the strength to face each day, and not allow these pressures to get the better of me because I'm better than that.