Wednesday, 21 January 2015

The work life so far.

It's been a week since I started my work life. 
But it feels like it's been a month. 
I'd admit, the work life isn't easy at all. 

Well, as if being new to the job wasn't difficult enough,
(Having to learn everything from scratch, applying everything taught immediately 
with no whatsoever training provided)
I have to face scary customers everyday.
I honestly feel like I go to work with fear everyday.
Yes, I'm a pussy like that. 

There were so many moments where I felt like quitting because 
I actually can, and even my parents asked me to because
the job is taking way too much time out of me and I can't
carry out my post A's plans that I had before A's even happened. 

But, I didn't.
One of the main reasons why I didn't, is because of the nice colleagues and managers 
that I have in this job. They're not only patient with me but extremely funny as well.
Also, I feel like I shouldn't be a quitter. I should perservere till the end.
And if I manage to master this set of skills, it'd be quite an accomplishment. 

One thing for sure though, I'd be quitting slightly earlier than the date stated 
in my ( 6 months) contract
because I feel like I need the time to carry out my post A's plans 
and my university matters. 

Now, this is the tricky part. My manager told me that a normal person
takes at least 6 months to master the majority of the skills 
needed in this job. 
So here's what I intend to do. 
I intend to conquer all odds, and try learning the 
"majority" of the skills needed in 2 months and 
at least try to be of great service for the people who hired me
for the next 2/2.5 months
before I tender my resignation. 

How does that sound? 
Well, I kind of have to make this happen.
All I can do right now is to 
work hard everyday and not give up. 
Seems like there's no such thing as an obstacle-free 
life huh? 

I GOT THIS (.....)

Tuesday, 13 January 2015

The first day of my first job.

This is a post I feel like I need to make just because I think it has been a super memorable day and that my future self would really enjoy looking back at this. 

For starters, my  part time job is along the line of providing customer service in the telecommunication industry. The sound of it already scared me to death, for I know that I'm socially awkward (absolutely incapable of interacting with new people and not to mention dealing with problematic customers) and that I have close to no idea what telecommunication is all about other than the devices that I use and the internet.

So I reported to work obediently on time, and I met my colleague and my manager. I've got to say that I'm really thankful that my colleagues are nice, funny and patient people. They tried to teach me everything they could, answered all of my questions and they even started joking around with me (which really helped because it kind of made me less awkward). Well, everything is nice so far. Let's just wait and see how they'll be like as weeks pass. 

But the things I had to be able to do really terrified the shit out of me. 
Who knew that phone plans, tv plans, internet broadbands and all that jazz were so complicated? I have to be able know everything about the plans and the different options people could make within the different plans at my fingertips because the customers may sometimes confuse you and you have to be able to stand strong on your ground and explain the details to them. And if you forget to mention any important details, you might get a complain. I have to be able memorize the different procedures of entering the data into different computer systems whenever people purchase something or do anything to whatever plans they have because any slip up can cause me penalties. I have to be able to be super careful in stock counting cause once again any slip ups can cause me penalties. I have to be able to multi task and handle stress cause there'll be a ton of people waiting for my service. 


Interview May 2009 - Kasia Struss.

I guess I should be able to absorb the new information... 
I'm just really terrified of the customers. 
I don't know if I'll be able to be of service.
I suppose this is a good training for me to step up my confidence and to stand strong on my own.
Crossing my fingers that things will not go awfully out of hand. 

I'm overwhelmed indeed. 
My brain is fried from all the new information.
My legs are sore from all the standing. 
It's gonna be a tough few months. 
But let's do this. 
It's something I have to conquer and let's nail this shit. 
Werk it. 

Saturday, 10 January 2015

I may or may not have anxiety issues.

I don't know why.
But right now I'm just afraid of so many things. 
My heart beats super quickly and my lungs seem to fail me whenever I face the need to interact with new people or do something new.... And also at the thought of adulthood. 
I just want to lie in bed and use the internet or sleep. 
I feel safe in there, which I know that it's simply an escape that leads to nowhere. 
That's why I'm forcing myself to try out as many new things as possible.
I went overseas with my friend, I found a new job (I'm currently freaking out at the thought of my first day of work) and more. 
But I really hate how I go onto thinking about all the possible things that could go wrong 
and how it'll follow a physical reaction of me being out of breath and having my heart beat so quickly. 
It's so hard.

I absolutely hate myself for that. 
I feel like it prevents me from being myself or performing to my fullest potential.
I want to be able to go out to the world and pursue my dreams. 
But I don't know how any of it will work out if I continue being so terrified of everything. 

And these few days, the sudden realization of being an adult is scaring the crap out of me.
The world suddenly feels so dangerous. 
I feel like I won't be able to handle interacting with the people out there. 
How are people so capable? 
How do people handle all these adult stuff so well?
How do adults be adults?
I didn't even know entering adulthood would scare me to this extent. 
I wish I wasn't born into this world to have to go through this. 

But one thing I know for sure, that this is a process I have to face myself. 
This is something I have to get used to. 
I know that I should, but I just don't know how. 
Not with me being so anxious about everything. 



Thursday, 8 January 2015


I turned 19 today.
Holy crap. I'm about to be an adult. 

The thought of becoming an adult kind of scares me. 
But I guess I'm ready for it and I have to be anyway. 

Well, I don't really have any plans today. All my friends are at work and I guess some of them kind of forgot about my birthday. That's okay to me, cause even I myself can't really be bothered to do anything special. In fact, I'll be super satisfied just chilling at home, watching my tv shows or movies. Now speaking about my friends at work, I had a job interview today actually. It was slightly terrifying. It was my first ever job interview.. and I guess I screwed it up. I was interviewing for a job somewhere along customer services area and I guess I just wasn't friendly or talkative enough. I'm super shy in nature and I just thought this job would allow me to hone my communication skills and help me open up. I don't know if I'll get the job, but I don't think I should be stressing about this cause the A'levels are over... And I should be done stressing about my life. 

Right now, I'll just take each day at a time, be open to any new opportunities, carry on researching about the path that I want to work towards and most importantly have fun & relax!!!!!

Here's to 2015 and here's to being 19. 

Wednesday, 7 January 2015

New Year Resolutions for 2015.

I know it's 7 days past New Years Day. 
But since I just arrived back home from my trip, my new year starts now. 

2014 was a tough year for me and my peers. The A'levels was a hurdle that seemed impossible. Every single day of 2014 in preparation for the A'levels was HORRIBLE and HELLISH. I'm so glad it's over and I don't ever want to experience it again. But nevertheless, it was not all bad. At least I'm a much stronger person right now, and I'm more driven to achieving my dreams. I was just thinking, what if I knew that post A'levels would be this great? I think I would have been stronger and would have had an easier time trying to fight on. But I can't regret it now, because I felt that I have given my all during that period of time. The breakdowns were simply unavoidable. 

And now comes 2015!
The year of the unknowns. Last year, at least we knew that we had A'levels. But this year, so far, we have completely no idea what the rest of the year would be like. Our A'level results (which would be released on March)? Our path? Our choice of school? Our choice of what to study in university?

It's definitely the year to explore and find ourselves and to move onto becoming an adult. 
The thought of all these terrifies me, but I'm so going to face everything bravely!

For my resolutions this year:
1. To try new things. To be courageous enough to go out of my comfort zone.
2. To be a better version of myself. To be nicer to those around me, to be more confident in myself and to be less shy and awkward.
3. To have the determination to fight for my dreams.

May 2015 be a great year. 

A trip to remember.

So I'm back home from the 3 week long trip I mentioned before!
This trip will forever be etched in my heart because it's my first time being away from my family and it's my first time being at my friend's hometown after knowing her for so long. I was really thrown way out of my comfort zone. Even though the people there spoke my mother tongue, I had such a hard time trying to get used to the language because I'm just an absolute crap when it comes to my mother tongue. I'm just not as bilingual as I hope I would be. 

This trip really gave me the chance to experience something unique. And when I say unique, it's because it's not all fun and touristy, there were some not so fun moments but at the end of everything, I'm glad to have experienced them. 

First things first, let me talk about the fun moments.
I was able to explore the different states in that country with my friend as my personal tour guide. We took all kinds of transportations (bus, mrt, train, bicycle) and it really opened up my eyes to the culture there. I was able to visit the different places of interests and do the touristy stuff. My Christmas and New Years Day was spent there and it was really great. On Christmas day, I was able to have dinner with people I have never met before (it wasn't as fun then, but thinking back now, it was great). I honestly feel like I'm kind of socially awkward, so that dinner was wayyyyyy out of my comfort zone, so this is a big deal for me. It really does feels kind of great to know someone's existence and for someone foreign to know your existence. And then on New Years Day, I was able to attend the countdown concert after having dinner with my friend's family. My friend and I were so close to the stage, it was a blast. Apart from the social stuff, it was also fun when it came down to just my friend and I. We had so many retarded moments, and they were pretty hilarious. Also, I can't forget to mention the warmth I felt over there. The warmth from my friend's family, the warmth from my friend's sister's friends, the warmth from the people there in general. The people there are so nice and friendly, I felt really welcomed there. I even received a compliment on the street on my last day there. :)  Okay, one last thing, it is interacting with my friend's dogs! They were so adorable and I love them to death.

Secondly, the awkward moments because I'm socially awkward. 
There were some really awkward moments when the language barrier got way too high up. The problem was that I understood what they were saying but I don't know how to reply. So there were a lot of times, where I actually pretended to be unable to understand them just so that I don't have to reply them. (I'm a loser, I know.) The language barrier problem pretty much applied throughout all of the awkward moments. At the Christmas dinner I mentioned before, I didn't say a single word. (Do you feel the awkardness already?) That's because I didn't know any of them, and I didn't know how to communicate with them in my mother tongue. But they were all really nice to be honest, I just hoped I could have said some stuff. (You should've seen me drowning in my pool of awkwardness.) Well, this was during the couple of days when my friend and I were visiting my friend's sister at her university at another state in which we had to take a 3 hour train ride from my friend's house. More awkward moments!!! We actually stayed at her sister's dorm for a couple of nights and we attended one of their lectures there. And everything about that experience was really awkward. From interacting with her dorm mates, to pretending listen during the lecture and to the dinner.... 
It was awkward then, but looking back at it now, it was really fun. I would do it all over again if I had to. 

Thirdly, the moments that do not fall under the above 2 catergories. 
Experiencing my friend's parents' naggings were definitely not a lot of fun. We got scolded on one of the nights, for messing up the apartment. Well, technically, we did not mess anything up, they were already messy when we entered. All we did was nothing, for not cleaning up the messy apartment. So we ended up cleaning it up at 4am. And one more, they serve super huge portions of food and me, being a tiny eater definitely did not enjoy stuffing the food down my throat when feel like I'm about to throw up. One last part, it was when one of my friend's dog pooped 3 times at night. Being woken up by the stench on my first night there was not fun at all. 

Something that really amazed me when I listened to my music or when I returned home.. that feeling of comfort. Being at home never felt so good. And by home, I mean the sense of familiarity. The language and the vibe. It  really amazed me when I felt that while I was listening to my music over there because despite being miles and miles away from home, just listening to my music made me feel so comforted at the familiarity of everything. It's ironic how I feel so foreign in a place where my roots are supposedly at. 
"Home is where the heart is", how true. 

Yup, that's pretty much how I would sum up my entire trip. 
The fun moments most definitely outweigh the not so fun ones. And I feel that the not so fun moments were what made this trip so unqiue and memorable to me. I'm really glad for everything that I've experienced on this trip, I hope I get to do more stuff like that. 

Lastly, I'm thankful for being able to be safe and healthy on this trip, because it allowed me to get the best out of everyday. 

Ending this post feeling blessed :) 

Monday, 15 December 2014


I'm about to experience a series of firsts. 
Tomorrow's gonna be my first time on the search for my very first job.
(Well technically I did a job once but it was with my dad's help)
I'm super nervous for it. Thankfully, I'm going with a friend. 

And, in 2 days time, I'll be going on a 3 week trip with my friend.
Thankfully, it's not as intimidating since my friend stays there, but still. 
I'm slightly nervous when I start thinking about the things that could go wrong. 
But I'm really excited because it'll be such a unique experience for me and I think it'll be 
a great one because my friend and I have been great friends for the longest time but
we never really had the time to be with each other that often. Also, this may be one of the very
last chance for us to spend such a time together! I think it's a much needed get away. 

By the time I'm back home, it'll be 2015. I hope I'll get the courage to make more first experiences.
Such as, going for ballet and hip hop classes, to do well for my first job, taking the next step in finding about what I wanna do in future and whatever that comes. 

I'm excited for what's to come. :) 
And I'm extremely thankful to be able to have the opportunities to do such things. 
Here's to a better future.