Wednesday, 2 September 2015

Hope things get better.

It's my third week in university.
And I have to say I'm struggling. 
The assignments, projects, and quizzes...
It's pretty overwhelming, the amount of things we have to do.
And I joined my school's dance club, so everything's 
just piling up at the same time. 

I'm still surviving though.
The only struggle that I find it particularly hard 
to overcome is still the same as the one in my previous post..
Class participation.
Why? Why is it so hard for me to raise my hand in class
to answer a damn question? I have no idea.
But what I do know, is that I have to overcome this quick
before it starts to really affect my grades. 

Also, regarding the dance club that I joined,
I've been in a dilemma, cause I got accepted into
both the hip hop and the contemporary dance club.
And I love both so so much.
It reminds me of sytycd 12, team stage or team street?
Haha. I chose to go with the contemporary dance club 
in the end. I feel that I really need to train my techniques. 
I hope I made the right choice. 

And tomorrow's my first dance practice ever!
I'm pretty excited.
It's only Tuesday, but I'd have to say that this week
is one of the worst weeks ever.

Just yesterday, I was so sick.
I had fever, flu, sore throat, body aches, headaches and a runny nose.
I felt like dying. 
Thankfully, I feel so much better now, all thanks 
to panadol, a 12 hour sleep, a cup of green tea and tokio hotel music.
I think I'm ready for dance tmrw. 

To end of, I'd like to share this sytycd routine!!

A contemporary piece choreographed by Mandy Moore, danced 
by Gaby Diaz and Robert.

I can connect to this piece so much, it's about anxiety.
And I wish that I had someone in my life who could calm me down
 from my anxiety just like how Robert was there for Gaby. 
Love this. 

Anyway, I really hope that the rest of my week, and the rest of 
my university life gets better.

Tuesday, 25 August 2015

My university struggle so far.

I started my first week of university education
last week. And I'm at my second week of school now. 
Wow. I still can't believe I'm here. 

My first week of school went by okay.
It's definitely different from the A'level days.
I found myself to be alone very often, which is okay to me
because I do enjoy being alone and doing my own stuff. 

My only struggle though, 
is having to talk in class.
To me, the assignments, projects and readings are fine.
If I'm ever assigned any task, I would complete it
to my best ability no matter how hard or how long it takes. 
But talking.... 

One thing about my school is that, class participation 
plays a pretty huge part to your grades.
I guess it's great cause it forces you to speak up
and the ability to communicate your ideas 
effectively is a good skill to have.
But, oh gosh, it's a great obstacle for me.

My anxiety not only includes social anxiety, it includes
the anxiety that comes whenever I have to speak in front
of group exceeding 7 people. I have escaped this
problem all my education life. But there is no running
away from this now. 

Today, the pressures of class participation 
just blew up in my face. I had an anxiety attack
in class, it wasn't huge, but it's enough to ruin my
entire day. I don't know explain the feeling,
but it just leaves a weird lingering feeling that kind of
drains you emotionally and physically.

Thus, I decided to take the time off to blog
instead of going back to my assignments. 

This is definitely one of the biggest obstacles I
have ever faced. And I know that if I can conquer this,
I'd be a whole better, more confident person. 

Right now, I'm just trying to accept my fear
and stay positive. I guess I shouldn't think about the grades,
or the judgements or whatever, I should just 
treat it as a great learning opportunity.

I'm trying to take small baby steps.
Last week, I didn't participate in class at all.
Today, I answered a question that my teacher gave me.
In future, I hope to have the guts to raise up my hand and 
express my opinions and increase it continually.

All I need, is that insane 1 second of courage....
To have the guts to raise up my hand. 
That's all that I need.

I hope that things get better soon.
God bless me. 

Friday, 14 August 2015

Being brave.

I've been so busy with pre-university school activities.
And I know I'll be even busier when school starts. 
So before the school craziness officially starts.. 
I wanna reflect back on the past month of  my pre-university experience.

Camps started out to be terrifying for me... 
Cause social anxiety.
But it got better as time passed. 
My last 2 camps felt amazing. I just wasn't afraid anymore.
I felt like I could really be myself and my group members
appreciated my sense of humor and the awkward person that I am.
Well, either I got lucky with the last 2 groups, or I was 
really growing in terms of my social skills.

But all in all, I feel really really blessed to have been in all the groups
that I've placed in, with the 4 camps that I've been to.
Not everyone is blessed enough to have really tight and bonded groups, 
but somehow I feel like all 4 of my groups are extremely bonded.
And for that, I thank God.

University life is about to get real just next week!!!
It's gonna be one hell of a ride. 
This weeked is gonna be the last weekend of my 8 month long break from school.
It's crazy how time flies.
Just last year, I was stuck with my A'levels, studying all day everyday till it drove me nuts.
Now, I survived the A'levels, had the time of life during my 8 month break and
here I am about to embrace the next challenge or chapter of my life. 

In the next 4 years of my life, I will try to...
1. Be a braver person - to have that confidence to speak up and share a part of myself with others.
2. Be a hardworker - to put in my best effort in whatever I do.
3. Be a great life balancer - Study hard, play hard.
4. Be a kind person - Even if things get competitive and people can be real bitches at times.
5. Be a better dancer - follow my passion and share them with everyone.
6. Be an independent person - cause you only have yourself at the end of the day.
7. Be true to myself amidst all the buzz in school - To know my own personal goals and not stray from them.
8. Be a better version of myself- to experience growth as a person. 


Image via We Heart It #fashion #important #life #quote #streetfashion #streetstyle #streetstyle #text #wisewords #ownit

Yup, this is it. 

Tuesday, 4 August 2015

Sometimes, the best things come unexpected.

Sometimes, you meet a group of people and y'all just click.
(even if you have social anxiety) 

I went for my third university orientation camp last weekend. 
I dreaded this camp so badly because it was a camp for 
the international students and I felt that I wouldn't be able 
to get along with my group mates, and end up not enjoying the camp.
But, it turned out to be the best group I've ever been in. 

They accepted my quiet nature and they totally
get my humor (I think), they laughed a lot at the things I had to say.
Maybe it's because it's a camp for the international students and everyone
in the group is so different, that being different becomes normal.
Anyway, I felt like I could be myself and this was a group that
I opened up myself the most to (not fully yet but it'll come).

The 3 days of camp was simply felt with love, laughter and fun. 

It occured to me during the camp though, how ironic it is to be in this camp.
1. If I were to have left for the overseas university I initially planned on going,
I would've been in the position just like the international students.
2. The camp that I dreaded the most, ended up being the best one I've been to so far.

Anyway, my class time table is out. 
I'm so blessed to have gotten the modules and class slots that I want.
But this means that school's starting soon...
And I am so scared ):

I shall enjoy the last few weeks of freedom. 
One last camp to go for before everything officially starts.

Friday, 24 July 2015

Best vacation ever.

It has been over 6 months since the A'levels ended,
and I can't believe this vacation is about to be over
I'll be heading back to school in less than a month. 
This holiday has truly been the longest and best one ever. 
I've had the time to accomplish so many things and to also
simply spend my time chilling at home.

I went on a holiday to my friend's hometown, I got my 
first ever job, I took my very first ballet/contemporary/hip hop class,
I had the time of my life with my friends, I chilled at home and watched
many many movies and tv shows. 
Some highlights of these experiences include, getting to meet new people,
being picked by the dance instructor to be one of the students who get featured on
her instagram, and watching all 10 seasons of Friends!

I've learnt so much about myself as well.
I've learnt the art of being alone and it feels AMAZING. 
You don't have to give in to anyone, or be obliged to do anything.
It's all in your control. And through that, I learnt to embrace my 
introvert personality. 

One thing I realized though, is how bad my social
anxiety is. I always knew that I had anxiety, but I didn't expect social
anxiety to be part of the package.
I've been to 2 orientation camps for my university so far,
and in both camps, I just found it really hard to open myself up to 
a whole new group of people. 

Having to introduce myself to a group of people literally
makes me tremble and when I do that, my voice gets really shaky. 
Deep down, I know that the people are really nice, 
but I can't really control it. 
I'll be super quiet and awkward, and omg, 
one on one conversations are the worst. 
In those moments, I really found it quite a challenge to just be myself, 
I really want to just melt into the ground and disappear.
It's crazy to me how people are able to shed their personalities so quickly
during these camps... I wish I could do that, you know?

I know I have to overcome this.. 
Cause no matter what, I'm still a social being. 
I love my introvert self, but I don't want my social
anxiety to handicap me from interacting with others 
and from potentially opening new doors in my life. 
How can I make an impact on the world, 
if I don't even have to courage to shed my personality 
and give a part of myself to others?

Anyway, I came up with some reminders to myself.. 
I hope it'll help me in future. 

1. Focus on the beneath. Ignore the superficial things about people such as their looks,
their popularity, their grades or their wealth... 
Just remember that deep down, we are all the same - humans. 
There's nothing to be afraid of.

2. People are not out there to judge you. 
They probably don't even care.

3. Share some of your light, bring some kindness to the world and the people around you 
by being yourself.

4. Giving compliments helps.

5. Ask more questions about people. It's great because you won't have to talk about
yourself, it's better than awkward silences and you get to learn more about others.

I have another 2 orientation camps coming up, 
hope it'll be better than the previous 2. 

Anyway, so what am I up to now that the vacation is about to end?
I'm watching "The Office", it's hilarious.
I'm watching SYTYCD 12, I love the new format of the show and
the talent on this season so far is amazing!!!!
I'm spending some time to research on how my university works.
I've been hanging out with some friends. (both old and my new university friends)

Yup, nothing fancy. 
I'm so gonna miss this vacation ):
Gotta enjoy it to the fullest.

I'll end of by posting some of my favorite routines on SYTYCD 12 so far.

Top 20 week 1 Team Street performance.
This routine by nappytabs was so great and powerful. 
All the dancers had so much charisma!!!


Top 20 week 1 Team stage performance by Hailee, Marissa and Alexia.
This routine by Brian Friedman was the bomb.
 The girls were sexy and powerful.
Props to them for dancing in those killer heels.

Top 20 week 1 Team stage performance by Jim and Darion choreographed by
Benoit Swan Pouffer. This routine was tough!!!! I felt like dying just watching it.
Mad respect for them for pulling it off so wonderfully.

Top 20 week 2 Team Stage performance by Travis Wall.
Loved this piece so much, the transitions and how well the choreography
matched the song. They were strong and I could definitely feel the team spirit.

Top 20 week 2 by Jim and Jaja.
This routine was just so sweet to watch. Jaja's facial expressions were everything
and Jim looked great doing hip hop :)

10th year anniversary performance by the all stars choreographed by Travis Wall.
Everything was so magical. The stage made it extra perfect and it took my breath away.
This dance just brought back lots of past SYTYCD memories for me. 

I'm excited to watch the rest of the season :)
Also, I'm so pumped for ABDC 8!!!!!!

A great year for dance indeed. 
Alright, that's it, I'm out.

Sunday, 12 July 2015

An emotional ride.

This week was definitely an emotional rollercoaster.

First things first, my best friend came to my house to spend the week.
She had a few errands to run before she officially migrates to her 
home country. And it was great cause it was like a major sleepover.

And then, I met my friends to plan for the courses we want to take
for our first ever university semester. The friends that I have are in a different school from 
me.. So naturally, I had to plan as an individual cause most of the courses I had to take are 
different from my friends. Now, comes the immense fear and pressure. I felt lost as hell and
millions of questions were running in my head. Will I be able to handle the school work load? Will 
I be able to perform well in school? Will I be able to balance school life and have fun at the
same time? Will I be able to make friends in my new class? Or, can I do this alone?
This whole phase of transition is scaring the shit out of me. 

Next, I had my second school camp.
Before the camp, I told myself to be as sociable as I possibly can.
I was hoping to improve from the previous camp I had. 
But soon after, it failed... 
In no time, I returned to my usual self of being the quiet and awkward one. 
It's funny cause I was super active during all of the games and activities,
but when it came down to group chats and conversations,
I felt like I just had nothing to say. 
Also, I experienced the fear of speaking in front of a group of people.
I know I lack the confidence. 
So, that sucked.
But I'm still glad that I made some friends.

And after, I returned home from camp with my best friend
still living in my house. We had the best time ever.
We had our heart to heart chats through the night where I confessed all of my university
fears to her and vice versa, we did crazy things like filming ourselves dancing to 
"Twerk it like Miley", and we had times where we just did nothing but enjoyed each other's

Finally, today, it was time to send my best friend off
to her home country. Saying goodbye to her was honestly the hardest thing I
had to ever do. I just thought about everything we experienced together. Life 
hasn't been easy, but having my best friend around was comforting enough to
help me get through the tough times. Now that she's gone, it feels like there's an empty
spot in my life. And that really made my heart sink. 
I'm probably going to carry this heavy heart in me for a few weeks,
but I'm just thankful to have had such a strong bond with her.
I believe it will not be broken through the distance.

Now, this leaves me feeling both sad and scared. 
It's not a nice combination of feeling and I think I need a few days to 
recollect myself before I move on. 

Tuesday, 30 June 2015

Opening Up.

I just finished my first ever university camp yesterday,
and gosh I'm already missing everything from the camp.
I took part in my school's Arts Camp, and in that camp,
they introduced us to all of the different clubs that 
we can join when we come into the school.

I had the time of my life. 
I was forced to break out of my comfort zone
in so many ways, but I really loved being able to try new things.
We had workshops for all sorts of arts related things, like 
dance, poetry, music, broadcast and entertainment and drama.
Obviously, I intend to join dance, but it was a great experience.

We were able to watch the performances done by 
each club and I was super inspired by their talent and passion.
Everyone seemed to really enjoy what they were doing and
it's so nice to see that. 
My school has such a great arts scene, and I wish I could
be a part of something so amazing and I wish I could be
as amazing as the seniors that I've met on the camp.

Also, I have to mention the group mates that I had
on the camp. I'm really grateful to have the group mates 
and facilitators that I had cause all of them were 
incredibly nice. I really enjoyed all of the late night 
chats that my group had. In fact, we loved it so much, 
we didn't even sleep on our last night of the camp.
We definitely weren't the loudest and the most active group 
during the activities but I think it's safe to say that we were
the cheekiest group when it came down to our own
heart to heart chats.

As for myself, I would say that I've grown as a person.
I'm a super super shy person, and I was awfully quiet 
during my time in the camp with my group mates. 
I found it really hard to open myself up to people
within such a short span of time but I guess I tried.
I hope to continue to grow, to be more open, to be
more confident, to be louder when I speak.

1 camp down, 3 more to go!!!!
Let's do this.