Wednesday, 27 August 2014

No one is worth it.

Something has been bugging me recently... over the course of a few months which I tried to ignore but it finally hit me like right now. It's 3AM and I guess this when your deepest thoughts surface.

These past few days I've been ignoring all my friends, going out to study alone while everyone's studying in school together. And I feel like I want to escape from everyone, any human being. And I think it's because of how I'm starting to accept the fact that there's nothing called a true friend, everyone simply think for themselves. I'm drifting from so many friends after they found their boyfriends, I'm having  friends who bug me like nobody's business when they have no one and vanish right when they find someone else cooler and I'm having friends who have motives behind every questions they ask you. I simply act like I don't know and don't care...... Guys, please. 

I'm drifting from one of my closest friend ever, who I thought nothing could ever drift us until this year when I realized that I'm simply a substitute. She turns to me whenever she's alone and fades away whenever she's having a good time with her friends. She tells me all of her troubles and I listen, but to give her the credit, I express my troubles to her sometimes too. I don't know, I'm just disappointed because I thought I had a friend that would have my back anytime and that I could rely on and trust... 

I guess this is reality. 
I don't trust people anymore. 
(Unless something or someone can prove me wrong)

I'll just work hard for my own future, be independent and pursue what I love to do.
(Not in a mean or selfish way, but to fight for my own happiness and not get affected by anyone's problems anymore.)

Sunday, 17 August 2014

It'll be over soon.

Everything's going by so fast now.. It's really crazy.
This has by far, been the craziest term of my entire education life. 
Literally just trying to balance between the crazy amount of homework 
and trying to study for the upcoming exam.

Well, I have to say I haven't been studying to my fullest potential recently.
I've been doing my homework on time but I haven't been revising even though I have the time.
I don't why, I just get really distracted and I procrastinate?
This happens whenever I'm stressed.. or I'm scared of something... 
I procrastinate.


Right now, should be the time where I go ALL out, work the hardest that I've worked these 2 years. 
This is the time to where I get everything down, the time where I can really make a difference to my future and this is the time to make everything that I've sacrificed or worked hard for worth it. This is so so crucial. I need the results for myself, I need it so badly. I've experienced countless of failures, obstacles and times where I feel like I have amount to nothing in life.Never once have I ever had the chance to feel like I'm capable of something big. I really wish that the A'levels can be a stepping stone, a start to more successes. I really want to be able to get out of this place, and have a new start and pursue something beyond my wildest dreams. I pray that God can empower me on this battle that's about to end real soon. 

I need to be stronger and believe that I can do this. 
It feels really scary, but I really want to make my dreams come true. 
I want to live a life worth writing for. 

And by the way, I found my new inspiration:


He is everything that I kind of hope to be. 
I  got  to chance upon his youtube dance videos and I was absolutely blown away by all of his pieces. You can tell that he puts a lot of hard work in creating all of them. And then I started finding out more about him and I'm really inspired by him. He is  such a focused and hard worker and I'm so glad it is being reflected in his career. I'll always rememeber one of the things he said in an interview: If you decided that you really want  something, you go out of your way to surround yourself with it. And that is honestly what I want to do and hope I'll have the courage to do.. 

Anyway, good luck to me for the next 3 months. I hope at the end of the year, I can proudly enter the exam halll knowing that I did everything I could, and that there's nothing left to be done.

Monday, 28 July 2014

SYTYCD Top 16 Performance

Here's the group routine

I loved the style and the music choice of this routine :) And the part where everyone danced the same moves, it was so synchronized and beautiful to watch. I also loved the colour choice of the costumes, it made the performance extra cool!

And here are the 2 mini group routines that blew me away.

Contemporary routine by Sonya Tayeh danced by Emilio, Serge, Casey, Zack, Tanisha, Brooklyn, Valerie and Emily

The emotions that the dancers portrayed were outstanding, I really felt the brokenness.. And Tanisha really stood out in this routine for me.. Her technique and her ability to dance with such emotions really make her makes her shine!! And Emilio!! Omg he totally blend with these dancers. I'm so happy I get to see this side of him in the show. 

Contemporary routine by Travis Wall danced by Ricky, Marquet, Teddy, Rudy, Jessica, Jacque, Carly and Bridget

This routine was super cool and fun to watch. It was super spectacular and the energy level was so high!! Everyone danced this so well, but Ricky stood out for me.. I guess the choreographers just love him. He was so manly and strong in this routine, I loved it :) And I'm so glad that they pulled off that crazy lift from one side to the other, Carly's so brave!!

Alright here are my favorite routines of the night

Contemporary routine by Travis Wall danced by Emilio and Bridget
This really blew me away... Emilio danced this so well.. To think that he's a hip hopper and that he started dancing really late.. He really portrayed the emotions so well and he was not overshadowed by Bridget. But Bridget's so amazing too! She could totally show off her technique in this routine, and I'm so happy she got this routine because I think it saved her from going home, and I love watching her. They were the highlight of the night for me.

Contemporary routine by Mandy Moore danced by Carly and Serge. 
To be honest, my first reaction when I saw them was... Contemporary again?! But I'm not complaining at all, cause Carly is such a great dancer, Serge is such a great partner and I love watching them doing contemporary. The turn that Carly did was so beautiful and the part where she was slowly going down onto Serge's feet made me breathless for awhile. They have such great chemistry and I hope they make it into the top 10. 

Hip hop routine by Dave Scott danced by Rudy and Tanisha
I loved this routine! They both did equally great. Tanisha's costume looked amazing, the red boots and the skin tight black suit made her look so sexy and made the dance look so great. They were totally feeling the music, and the performance, lighting and everything was so on point. 

Anyway, so Brooklyn and Marquet went home this week.. ):
I can't believe they'll be eliminating 4 dancers this week, it's so scary! I love all the dancers, and I really wonder which 4 will leave. I feel like this season is going by way too quicklyyyyyy. But so far all the performances have been so great!

Saturday, 26 July 2014

Breaking down.

This week has been particularly rough.
 I stressed myself up so badly that I even broke down in front of my teacher during a lesson.
This was definitely the first for me. I hate what I'm doing to myself. 

It's not like I'm lagging behind of everyone in terms of my results. In fact, I improved.
But it's just that fear of not being able to keep up that grade or even step it up. 
Actually, it's way more than that, it's that desire to be the best. I feel horrible, but I know that I'm very competitive and deep in my heart, I wanna be better than everyone for A'levels. 


1. I need to take things easier, to not let my mind take over and just give it my all.
2. I need to stop comparing myself with others, cause everyone is different (which will be really hard)

But I know that once I'm able to get rid of all these, I will be a much happier person.
I should just compete with myself. To simply aim to be better than my previous self, or in terms of results aim to do better than my previous exam results. To always seek growth. 

Anyway, speaking about that teacher who I broke down in front of. 
I have so much respect for her. 
I admire how she's able to make to be so organized such that she plans her day so well, allowing her to make the best use of everyday to accomplish all of her different commitments so well. She's doing what she loves and whenever there's a vacation, she flies off to a foreign land and create amazing memories. She's so independent, it's like she's able to handle so many things by herself. When she travels, she need not worry about anyone because she is alone and independent. And from there, she makes so many new friends every holiday. She's really what I aspire to be, except for the teaching part. 

Anyway, it's just another 100 days to the A'levels. 
I'm just gonna stay really focused and optimistic. 
Whatever happens, happens. I'll just do my part by making the best use of everyday, striving towards the big A's!!!!

Sunday, 20 July 2014

SYTYCD 11 Top 18 Performance

The group routine! 

This was such a unique concept! The costumes, make up, stage and lighting was superb. And most importantly the dancers did such an amazing job :) Tanisha really stood out for me, she looked so great doing that even though she came in as a ballroom dancer.

So here are my favorite routines in no order

1. Hip Hop routine danced by Carly and Serge
This was really really dope. Carly really made the whole routine look so good. She really brought out the skeletal character and her movements were so clean! Serge was great too, but Carly was superrrrr great. This was definitely the most unique hip hop routine I've ever seen on the show and there needs to be more of such a laid back and cool style, which doesn't always have to be about love.

2. Jive routine danced by Emilio and Bridget
They both did such a great job in bringing the happy vibe, and I was smiling while watching the whole routine. Emilio is such a brilliant performer, his performance made up for all the lack of technique. Bridget looked gorgeous and she portrayed this character really well, it was flirty and feminine :)

3. Broadway routine danced by Rudy and Tanisha
Loved this so much! It was so fast but they made it look so effortless. Tanisha's technique is great, she must have really trained in other styles as well, cause she's killing every type of genre so far. Rudy was so much fun to watch, he really looked like he was having so much fun!!

And this week, Jourdan and Stanley were out!
I kind of already expected it.. especially when they were announced to be in the bottom again and that the other 4 who were in the bottom killed their routines. But I enjoyed watching them so much! Jourdan has such amazing legs, I wish I could see more her tilts. Stanley has such great techniques as well, and he looks like such nice person. 

Before I end off and hit the books, 
I have to share this video

This is the funniest interview I have ever watched. Teddy and Emily spent the entire 5 minutes plus of the interview just trying to stop laughing. It's so hilarious to watch them trying so hard to keep a straight face and complete a sentence!! They are one of my favorite couples this season  :)

Friday, 18 July 2014

Time to step it up.

I got back some of my exam results.. 
And I'm pretty satisfied with most of my subjects because I've made improvements and that's honestly all that I can ask for. But there's still so much to improve on before I feel like I'll be prepared for the A'levels. There are also subjects that I haven't improved on.. ): So I gotta work on that. 

There's only about less than 4 months to the A'levels!!
I feel like I got my drive back, but I really need to step up my game and give it my ALL. 
I need to really be able to cast away all the distractions, to perservere no matter how tired I am and to also take good care of my health. 

There's another 6 weeks till the next exam, the final set of exams that I'll be taking before the A'levels. 
I got this!!!


✿ plants are friends ✿

Sunday, 13 July 2014

I can do it.

This week has been disappointing.
It's the first week of school and I feel like I haven't got my shir together. 
I really need to step it up and give it my all. 
I have to be strong and pull through, 
it's just a few months left.